Payson's Birth Story Part 2: Labor
Wednesday, April 4, 2018, 12am
After laying in bed for about two hours, it was obvious that early labor had started. I was excited out my mind! David and I had spent the last few months of pregnancy studying, reading, watching documentaries, practicing Hypnobabies, and watching natural birth videos that always made us both cry. After so much preparation I couldn’t believe that we were finally about to experience this miracle for ourselves! It was actually happening-- I was really in labor. It felt like the slow, chugging, inching, uphill climb to the edge of a rollercoaster before it plummets to the best (or worst) part of the ride, but regardless, the part you were always waiting for...
I’ll be honest. It wasn’t much different than having a really bad period. For most of my life I’ve had severe dysmenorrhea, which basically means “painful periods”. But seriously. Periods so bad I used to miss a day of school every month because my period blew in like the Wicked Witch of the West, leaving me puking my guts out all day long, too sick to do anything but crawl from the bathtub to the toilet.
I was suddenly so, so grateful for all those months of horrible periods. It was the perfect labor prep! What a tender mercy and a hidden blessing that I had been prepared for this my whole life and hadn't known it!
I was doing a great job of handling my contractions by myself for about three hours until things got more intense.
Wednesday, April 4, 2018, 3:30am
Photos by Tara Wilcox Photography
I woke David up, needing more support or frankly, just needing to know I wasn't alone. This is the point in the story when I started throwing up and didn’t really stop for the rest of the night. The irony is that I had dragged David to Walmart the week before scouring the isles for anything that I remotely even imagined might be appealing during labor. WHAT A JOKE. I had no desire to eat anything nor could I have kept anything down! My carefully packed "Labor Snacks" Box sat untouched, as I sat hugging (and hurling into) the toilet.
David was AMAZING. I'll be honest-- he was the real MVP of the whole birth experience.
He held me, spoke positively and comfortingly to me, and helped me follow the Hypnobabies hypnosis cues. I had remembered reading a quote that said "Contractions aren't 'painful'; they are interesting sensations that require your full attention." I kept replaying that quote in my mind, trying to re-label my contractions as just "interesting sensations," BUT MAN WAS IT HARD TO FOCUS ON ANYTHING ELSE! The contractions were consuming me, and following Hypnobabies did not come easily despite how much I'd practiced.
There was a small window of time in that long, laborious night that I let myself panic. I was so SO exhausted and the contractions kept coming like clockwork. I wanted them to stop. In between throwing up, and running to the toilet feeling like I needed to have a bowel movement only to realize over and over again that it was just the weight of my baby descending, I didn't know how much more I could take. My whole body writhed, ached, and I became totally consumed with the newness of these "interesting sensations". I was fighting my body, resisting the contractions, trying to twist away from them. My body was tensing up with each contraction. I knew what was happening-- I was stuck in the fear-tension-pain cycle.
In that absolute moment of weakness, I told David to take me to the nearest hospital, I wanted an epidural. I knew even as I said it that I didn't really want an epidural, but boy did it feel good to say it.
David wasn't shaken in the least by my distressed condition. He was calm (like he always is-- thank goodness for that!) he reminded me that I didn't want an epidural and that I was strong enough to do this. He suggested that I call my mom. He dialed her number and held the phone for me. I could barely speak in between contractions. I was miserable, and I sounded like it.
I don't even think my mom knew I was in labor at this point, but when the first words out of my mouth were "I want an epidural" she knew exactly what I was going through. She told me I could do it. It was a short conversation, but exactly what I needed.
At this point, it was a little after 6am and I had been sitting straight up in bed-- as rigid as could be-- fighting each contraction for the majority of the night. David told me to lay down on the bed. I told him I couldn't, it was too painful to lay still.
Three words was all it took to convince me-- "I'll hold you."
We turned up the Hypnobabies hypnosis tracks and David held me. Perfect surrender. I stopped fighting.
I tried to remember the birth stories I'd read in Ina May's book. I ran through every birth affirmation I'd memorized. I tried to breathe out slowly, letting all my muscles go limp and loose. David was there working with me, the warmth of his chest at my back, his arms wrapped around me.
I was safe. We were strong. Focused. Powerful. Peaceful. We were working together.
For the first time I realized how wonderfully still the world was, and what a beautiful spring morning it was. Every breath in the cool of our basement apartment was pure peace. I imagined myself relaxing deeper, becoming looser and looser with each contraction. Now I was working with my body. The contractions came in intensely, rocking my loose body and left gently, sliding away. I felt no pain. David was timing the contractions. They were close together, but short. Some lasting only seconds. David had been in contact with our midwife the whole time. She wanted my contractions to be at least 1-2 minutes long before we headed to the birth center. At this point I was actually enjoying labor. I kept my eyes closed, nestled into our blankets. There was no pain now. There was nothing but David’s arms and peace. We settled into a rhythm. I would nod my head when a contraction started and sigh or whisper “it’s gone” as it left my body. We stayed in this perfect heaven for what felt like hours until David said “Your contractions have changed. They are lasting a really long time and are only two minutes apart now. It's time to go.”
Wednesday, April 4, 2018, 9am
I didn't want to move from my perfect nest, but I motivated myself by picturing myself walking into the birth center climbing into the tub and my baby sliding out immediately, naturally, and easily.
Getting in to the car made me immediately very uncomfortable. I lost the hypnosis. As we were driving to the Provo birth center (which was only five minutes from our house), we got a frantic call from our midwife. Another lady had gone into labor that morning and had come into the other birth center in Lehi, which was thirty minutes away. "Don't come to the Provo birth center, no one is there!" Her voice crackled over the phone "All the midwives are in Lehi! You've got to come to Lehi!"
At this point, I totally panicked. We were in the car. My contractions were 1-2 minutes long and less than two minutes apart. We had a thirty minute drive ahead of us with me in active, late labor. A sinking terrible feeling came over me-- the baby was coming, and I was about to give birth IN THE CAR!
...Continued on next post Payson's Birth Story Part 3: Birth Center
