4 Things I’ve learned about Satan
“Feels weird to say, but I’ve never felt Satan’s presence so fully in my life. …When I hit my lowest, he showed up the strongest….”
Letting go
We could have held onto them standing out there on the dock— but we would have never seen what they were made to do. They were made to be released— to return to the sky and to bring light to the darkness…
Big Seizures & Big Miracles
Payson had two seizures today. Big ones. 45 minutes of seizing. His emergency medicine stopped the first one after fifteen minutes but didn’t touch the second…
Luck of the Irish
A friend texted me a few weeks after my baby passed away asking how I was holding up. I snapped this pic (no makeup, eyes perma-puffed shut from lack of sleep and crying) and sent it to her with the text "idk why but I find wearing…
Blue Tape & Grief Exhaustion
…nothing on my to do list will get done today. …there will be blue tape on my walls for one more day. The tape is a striking reminder that we are in the middle of a life remodel. Today, things are left unfinished.
Jesus Stood Weeping
…If Christ had come a week later, it might have been Mary sharing her testimony and Martha in tears falling at His feet. We say “everyone grieves differently” and it’s true, but even within our own grief, we grieve differently day to day. Some days I find solace in reading scripture, and other days I can’t bring myself to even touch my scriptures. Some days it’s a gift to sit in wonder of the magnitude of Christ’s power over death. Other times, I want to hit the next person who says “families are forever”…
Where are you God?
…The complete wreckage of the last three years of my life flashed in my mind— Payson's 200+ seizures, his Dravet diagnosis, Kalea's unexpected death, the overwhelming grief, our rocky marriage. I coldly replied “Maybe I could use a little less blessings from the Lord right now.”
Out of the Abyss
We are gradually climbing out of the abyss.
Yesterday was David's birthday.
Without thinking, I asked David what his favorite part of last year had been. The moment I said it-- I regretted it. David's eyes immediately misted over…
His Hands Make Whole
… There I was in the middle of my aftershocks, coping with grief, struggling with loss, and feeling like the very foundation of my marriage was cracking underneath my feet. And then I see this picture of my family…