Tasked to Endure
“…despite the hard days, the days I cry until I have a headache, the nightmares, the trauma— life is (I say cautiously) good. Things are going well. We are happy. And maybe that’s a bit confusing. Because I can’t help but feel on edge. Like, alright, it’s been good and quiet for too long— what’s coming next? Grief lately feels like… “
It Would Be Weird If You Weren’t Depressed
…I sit patiently in the darkness and peer around until I find light. I let myself feel the lows and then I work with those feelings. This is the bright side of depression. That depression can actually be very…
Where are you God?
…The complete wreckage of the last three years of my life flashed in my mind— Payson's 200+ seizures, his Dravet diagnosis, Kalea's unexpected death, the overwhelming grief, our rocky marriage. I coldly replied “Maybe I could use a little less blessings from the Lord right now.”
Out of the Abyss
We are gradually climbing out of the abyss.
Yesterday was David's birthday.
Without thinking, I asked David what his favorite part of last year had been. The moment I said it-- I regretted it. David's eyes immediately misted over…
His Hands Make Whole
… There I was in the middle of my aftershocks, coping with grief, struggling with loss, and feeling like the very foundation of my marriage was cracking underneath my feet. And then I see this picture of my family…
Hallelujah, nevertheless.
At first, I had so much grace in accepting both Payson's epilepsy and Kalea's death. Now as time moves on-- I've started looking around and wondering why I've been hit SO HARD…
131 Seizures Later
36 weeks pregnant and I’m sitting in a tiny hospital room with my toddler and husband trying to swallow what the neurologist had just told us. He was holding up the results from Payson's genetic panel…