Letting go
We could have held onto them standing out there on the dock— but we would have never seen what they were made to do. They were made to be released— to return to the sky and to bring light to the darkness…
Luck of the Irish
A friend texted me a few weeks after my baby passed away asking how I was holding up. I snapped this pic (no makeup, eyes perma-puffed shut from lack of sleep and crying) and sent it to her with the text "idk why but I find wearing…
Blue Tape & Grief Exhaustion
…nothing on my to do list will get done today. …there will be blue tape on my walls for one more day. The tape is a striking reminder that we are in the middle of a life remodel. Today, things are left unfinished.
Out of the Abyss
We are gradually climbing out of the abyss.
Yesterday was David's birthday.
Without thinking, I asked David what his favorite part of last year had been. The moment I said it-- I regretted it. David's eyes immediately misted over…
Hallelujah, nevertheless.
At first, I had so much grace in accepting both Payson's epilepsy and Kalea's death. Now as time moves on-- I've started looking around and wondering why I've been hit SO HARD…
7 Songs I've Had on Repeat Through My Loss
I started listening to Christian music on my mission several years ago. I thought when I came home I'd go back to listening to my old music... but I never did. I couldn't…
Excerpt from my journal, Seizure 19
Nineteen. Today's number. Just a few minutes past 7am as I lay in bed, his 19th seizure started. This time, I wasn’t even surprised. I got up, put on my bathrobe, and rolled him on his side while he seized…