Joy in Mourning
In my times of bitter grief I’ve often questioned why they called Gods plan “The Plan of Happiness” because my personal experience is that it is infinitely more painful and miserable than happy— but what I’m learning
Big Seizures & Big Miracles
Payson had two seizures today. Big ones. 45 minutes of seizing. His emergency medicine stopped the first one after fifteen minutes but didn’t touch the second…
Luck of the Irish
A friend texted me a few weeks after my baby passed away asking how I was holding up. I snapped this pic (no makeup, eyes perma-puffed shut from lack of sleep and crying) and sent it to her with the text "idk why but I find wearing…
Where are you God?
…The complete wreckage of the last three years of my life flashed in my mind— Payson's 200+ seizures, his Dravet diagnosis, Kalea's unexpected death, the overwhelming grief, our rocky marriage. I coldly replied “Maybe I could use a little less blessings from the Lord right now.”
Out of the Abyss
We are gradually climbing out of the abyss.
Yesterday was David's birthday.
Without thinking, I asked David what his favorite part of last year had been. The moment I said it-- I regretted it. David's eyes immediately misted over…
His Hands Make Whole
… There I was in the middle of my aftershocks, coping with grief, struggling with loss, and feeling like the very foundation of my marriage was cracking underneath my feet. And then I see this picture of my family…
Hallelujah, nevertheless.
At first, I had so much grace in accepting both Payson's epilepsy and Kalea's death. Now as time moves on-- I've started looking around and wondering why I've been hit SO HARD…
7 Songs I've Had on Repeat Through My Loss
I started listening to Christian music on my mission several years ago. I thought when I came home I'd go back to listening to my old music... but I never did. I couldn't…